It was just yesterday that I heard the words from someone very close to me "You are a Disappointment to me". I won't say who it was, but I will say this.. I can't control what was said. I'm not responsible for those words that came to kill and destroy me- because they thought I deserved to hear how they felt about me, but I am now responsible for my reaction to those words. They've been a constant tape playing in my head over and over and over. How will I ever be able to face that person again? What can I do to make that person love me? I'm crushed, but I also know that I must forgive. I must destroy the tape in my head and die to the fact that I may NEVER earn that person's love or acceptance. Do you know how hard that is for an approval addict??? Maybe you're just like me.
The one thing that I love about myself is that I do love people so willingly. Without judgement. I love hard. The problem with that, is that I'm easily hurt. I get wounded alot. It's a price I pay, but I refuse to stop. I want people to know that they are worth loving. That I'm not concerned with whether or not they go to church... just because I go... everyone deserves to be loved. Everyone deserves a kind word! One thing that I don't love about myself is that I'm all over the place... I'm busy. I am forgetful. I am a creative person and I'm not a well thought out planner. I'm trying to do better, but sometimes I mess up.... I hurt this person because of this part of my life.
Look, I'm the first one to admit that I make mistakes. Plenty of mistakes! But when i die I want my tombstone to say that I loved freely... not that I was someone's disappointment.
In the end... I do love the person that said that to me... more than they will ever know!
Maybe you're like me. Maybe you need to destroy tapes of things said or actions done to you in the past. Things that you play again and again. Throw it away. Release it! Die to the fact that you may never earn their approval or acceptance, but don't let it destroy you! Choose Love and be free! You have ONE life to live! Refuse to rent space in your head for another second to negative thinking.
Know that you are worth being loved!!!
