Self Worth

Today is Mother's Day. It's been an amazing day to say the least. I was nominated by my daughter for Mother of the Year at our church and I won. She wrote the sweetest letter as to why I should win and it was chosen. The amazing thing is what God was exposing and area of weakeness to me just this week that He was trying to perfect in me. It all fits together.

Serveral months ago my husband of 13 years abandoned me and the girls suddenly to another state. He control alt deleted his life. Five years of friendships..13 years of happy marriage (or so I thought). He walked out on the ministry..No notice to anyone. Just left. I was devestated to say the least. It took two weeks for me to find out that he had left for another woman. Once that information was out..my rejection took on a whole new meaning. For 13 years I devoted everything I had to him. I prayed for him. Encouraged him. Loved him with my everything. No..we didn't have the perfect marriage, but I was the protector of his dreams. And I thought we were happy. His actions left me feeling completely worthless. Before he came along, I had already had years of dealing with rejection. My mom left when I was 12 years old. When I was in High School, I never had a boyfriend. I was awkward to say the least. I was not attractive, always longing to be wanted and cherished but never finding it. I was always the guys best friend. Everyone loved me "as a friend" never more. I could sing my heart and lungs out, but that was the extent of what was great about me. Or so I thought. I married a guy that was 7 years younger than me.

There are so many good things that have come from my pain and trial. I can't even begin to tell you all the good things God has done! Someone gave me a Jehoval Jirah (God my provider) journal to keep track of what God is doing along the way and i am writing in it. I have found so many unexpected friends as well.
Just this past week a new friend of mine caught a vision of me with a ball and chain around my waist. My friend said that there is something in the way of your complete healing. God wants to remove that thing in your way. Just a couple of days later I heard that the Christian music group, Selah, was going to be in town. I had to go because a good friend of mine from High School is a part of that group. At one point in the concert, Amy (singer) began to share a testimony of her struggle with her self esteem. She talked about not feeling beautiful or worth anything because of her struggle with her weight. I sooo understood her pain! I used to be very heavy. God freed me of my weight almost 5 years ago and I have kept it off. What remained was my low self worth. Yes I was happier..yes I felt beautiful again, but I was still a people pleaser. I was constantly looking for man's approval rather than God's. I realized that my self worth was the ball and chain around my waist and that God is now ready to free me of my need of man's approval.
I quickly shared this with my friend. I said that I felt like God has revealed the thing that I am struggling with- that ball and chain- low self esteem. For years I have been a lover of people. I love them.. I do! What God is showing me now is that I loved them out of my own pain (and it's not necessarily a bad thing)..I love people so that no one will ever experience the pain the same pain that I feel. I no longer want to love them from my pain.. I want to love them simply because they are God's creation. He has a perfect plan for those that choose to walk in His way. He wants more people to follow Him. For everyone to walk in freedom! I WANT to walk in complete freedom from my own hurts! I want to learn to love me for me! I feel like I'm beginning the process.
So it's Mother's Day.. I won Mother of the Year.
Here is the letter that Emme wrote...

I want to nominate my mom, Christy Short, for mother of the year because She loves me and is always there for me. She always helps me with my problems and when I am hurt she makes it better. I love her and help her when she is sick just like she does for me. We have alot of stuff like that..for example, I rub her back and she rubs mine. Even though she sometimes makes me mad, we always work it out. The best thing about her is that she has taught me about Jesus and to love Him. I really love my mom!

Emme

I shared this letter with my friend and was suprised when he said (knowing of my struggle with my self worth)..How did that make you feel?? My answer was WOW... Worth ALOT!

Isn't God amazing like that. He knows the depths of our heart..wants the VERY best for us. He goes before us. He knew that He would reveal this part of my life this week. He knew that I was struggling with the fact that I felt second best. Worth nothing much because of the pain of rejection that I've gone through. And He provided a moment with my precious child in front of an entire congregation of people and reminded me of how priceless I truely am. I believe there will be more moments in my life as He perfects this deep rooted rejection in my life. I want it gone. I want to be so secure in who I am so that I can love others not out of manipulation but the complete and total free love of Jesus! I'm so excited for what God is doing as painful as it is at times. He has a beautiful plan in it all.
God is writing the most amazing story of my life... I want HIM to be glorified in it and not me!
I also want to thank all the people who have spoken into my life. Because I am normally the one speaking into others, it's a hard place to be on the recieving end of it all. I hope that I can be just a tiny speck of encouragement back to you as you have been to me.
You are loved beyond measure just because you are! Oooh.. recent quote from a pastor in New Jersey... God wants to take the Am I's in our life and turn them into I Am.

YOU ARE HIS FAVORITE!!