And just like that.. a little boost!

I just want to say how different I feel right now compared to what I felt like waking up this morning. I know that I had been feeling some depression hitting me. I didn't want it. I wanted to feel like sunshiny Christy again. I had a long talk this morning with my friend Wynne. He said some things that really freed my mind. Christy.. You are normal. You've been given a terrible blow. What you are feeling is completely normal. YET.. I was longing to feel happy. To feel free again. I thought that maybe if I went for a run at lunch, I would feel better, so I did. You know what? As I ran, I felt God speak to me. I think I had been struggling with whether or not I was suppose to be leading worship right now. I've been second guessing myself alot lately. As I ran, I felt the Lord speaking to me. Don't listen to those voices of doubt Christy. I was looking to the sky as I ran. There was worship playing on my ipod, and I heard God say.. I've called you to lead worship Christy. Don't you dare quit! Keep your eyes on me Christy. I'm going to lead you along the way. I ran 2 short miles, but I felt sooo much better. I felt stronger. I felt happy. I don't know if it was the endorphins that had been released as I exercised or if it was the fact that I had heard from God today. When I came back inside to work, God did another thing. I was looking for bumper videos for next week's message. I came across a story. Two farmers were praying for rain. It had not rained in a long time. Only one of the farmers actually prepared his fields for the rain that would eventually come that he was praying for. My spirit leapt within me as soon as I heard that! God spoke again to me... I want you to be preparing your fields Christy. I want you to be doing eveything possible to get healthy Christy because I have your blessing coming to you. It's not going to be a long way off either. I feel that with everything in me! I believe that the enemy knows this as well. He wants me to be distracted on all the wrong things. He wants me to think about my pain. He wants me to be depressed. Oh yes.. I'm going to feel it. I'm going to feel the rejection and pain of my situation. I mean.. I was married for 13 years after all. But God wants to know that BIGGER things... BETTER things are coming to me.
This morning I told Wynne that I guess, I just wanted something to look forward to. I know that it's coming. I just have to keep making it through each day. I'd just rather be laughing along the way than crying. Sooo... I choose today to believe God. I choose to smile. And I hope that my smile will shatter the darkness in someone else's world along the way.
I can't wait to lead worship this Sunday. WOW!!! I think it was yesterday that I yelled in my bedroom... "I don't want to be a worship leader"....what a change. That's just like God though.
He wants his kids to be happy...just like I do!

I love you!