I am continuing to discover Christy. Just last week, I had some pretty big AhhhHaa moments. I've been processing through what I've realized and I'm now ready to write it down.
There have been moments along the way in this journey of mine that I have made some pretty "boneheaded" decisions.. That was the exact word from a very good friend of mine (and boss). He's like a brother to me and is trying to look out for my best interest. Anyway.... it was from this "boneheaded" decision that I made, that God decided to reveal the next thing to me that He wanted to show me. Many of you know me as happy-go-lucky. I am.. I enjoy a good time. I LOVE to laugh. And for years, I have been known as a dumb blonde. My husband used to love to laugh at my stupidity. Several weeks ago, I acted out in my dumb blonde fashion and got myself in a little bit of trouble. It was just a non thinking moment in time and I paid for it.
I've never really seen myself as very smart. I went to a small college, but I wasn't disciplined and I only made it through two years. I was only interested in singing. I wasn't ambitious at all. I eventually quit college and went to work full time as an optician. My mom left me and my dad and brother when i was 12 years old. My dad did the best he could with me. The best thing was that he kept me in church. Yes... I've been abandoned by people that I love- twice now. Life has not been easy for me, but I have a choice on how I will respond. I can choose to be bitter, OR I can be someone who walks in forgiveness. Sure it hurts, but I choose to be happy. I choose to be free. I choose to allow God to use the tragedies in my life for His good.
Anyway.. I was sharing my most recent "dumb blonde" moment with a friend. I was also sharing with her that sometimes I feel like I will never be more than "just a secretary". Ok... so let me just say this. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with that position. I mean.. goodness.. it is an INCREDIBLY important position, but I guess for years, I have had a desire to be more. For now though... I must embrace what i am. I am an assistant to worship ministries. I am ALSO a worship leader and I am INCREDIBLY lucky to get to do what I love to do, but I believe that God has more for me and it's time to stop seeing myself as a "dumb blonde" and take the steps to do what it is that God has ultimately called me to do. For two years now, I have been leading worship at my church- one of three campuses. Anyway.. in my band, I have a doctor, a lawyer, and the COO of a hospital. And God said to be their leader. UGH??!!! I have been completely intimidated by them. I'm a nobody. How do I lead them? They are all so smart. What I began to realize last week was that I CAN lead them. I know worship. I know what it looks like to connect with the God of the UNIVERSE. I mean.. that's kinda HUGE right? Being a leader means nothing more than influencing someone else. I think for the first time in my life, I realized that I am a leader. I can influence those around me to have a deeper walk with the Lord.
I suppose that I'm discovering that I am smart after all. There is a shift in my thinking. God wants me to see me as HE sees me. I can do ALL ALL ALL things through Christ..according to Phillipians 4:13. I am going to begin to believe God. What about you? How do you see yourself? Ask God today for His eyes for you. What is it that you don't think you can do? He wants you to discover more.
I'm sure that it may take a minute or two for me to get your joke at times... I won't lie... I'm slow at times. It just takes me longer to process what you've said. But I'm not a dumb blonde. In FACT... I'm a redhead. I have a blonde streak in my hair.. and THAT is from my hairdresser. LOL.
You are loved beyond measure by the creator of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!!
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