Assignment of Love

One thing I know is that it was bound to happen...the girls are entering puberty and with that comes DRAMA!! This weekend was a weekend of that for sure! As soon as Sunday morning was here my girls were literally tearing each other apart which was tearing me apart. I was frazzled to say the least and didn't know what in the world I was gonna do?! Ironically..the message at church was on Living Large... LARGER PEACE. I knew that I needed to hear that message , but I'll be completely honest.. I don't have alot of peace right now. There are so many distractions in my world. Let's face it..single parenting is NOT easy. It's not easy living here in this world with no immediate family around. I can't just drop the kids off at their dad's house. He lives 7 hours away. Honestly...it's wearing on me. I'm tired. I sometimes want to run away far away from here, from the kids, from my job, from everything. Maybe I will have those moments. In the meantime, I am asking God for strength.
Sooo...as the Sunday kept on, the girls continued to fight. Not to mention the whining. UGH...By 4:00pm.. I had had ENOUGH! I told my girls.. you have an assignment due at 8pm. You are to write a letter to each other...200 words. You are to tell each other in your letter how much you love each other. You are to say everything positive. Emme fell apart! lol...

Here is Emme's letter...
I love you Mommy and Chloe. Mommy, you first. I love how you are a funny and loving mom. Do not worry, this has 100 words about Chloe and 100 words about you. Please do not come to me saying this is unacceptable cause I love you too and you will make me cry. (I'm laughing here) You are so pretty mommy and I cannot believe how good a runner you are. Ten miles is amazing. I cannot believe you are doing 11 miles next weekend. You are the most beautiful person in the world except for Jesus. Jesus is soooo beautiful even though I have not seen him. I am sure of it Mommy. (now I'm crying!!!) You have a very pretty singing voice. I love you.
Now for Chloe. You are a good ice skater. You are about as good as me. Actually we ice skate the same. You are goot at gymnastics too. Although you can't do a back bend kick over..I can't do a cartwheel so we are even. You are wonderful at social studies. Also you play rock band good. You have always been taller than me and I pretty much consider that lucky. You are a wonderful sister, love Emme. (I made her write more)
Plus..you are fun to play games with and word games with. You give me company when I am bored and even though we get mad at each other we always make up so thank you. You are an awesome sister. Love Emme

LOL... I loved it!
There was peace in my home for the rest of the evening. We had a beautiful start to today as well..no drama.
I had posted the assignment on facebook as my status update. I got lots of encouragement from my peeps that I had done the right thing by making them do that assignment. I did have one really great friend who sent me a message in my inbox. This friend said to me... you should take heed in your own words and write a 200 words on why you love yourself and why you are worth someone's love. I'm tearing up even as I type those words. This friend knows that I have been struggling with that concept. I think most of my friends know that I do. It seems that I have sooo many victories and yet soo many days when it's hard to love me or believe that I'm worth someone's love. Today however I am choosing to believe that I am worth loving. Not because of what I do..just because I am. I want my girls to believe that as well for themselves.
This is not easy. But I'm not giving up anytime soon!

You are loved today just because you are.

Jealousy

For months now I've been drawn to a song that I heard quite a while back. It's called How He Loves.
He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When ALL of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me
And OH How He loves us so.. Oh how He loves us...How He loves us SO
We are His portion and He is our prize drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
if grace is an ocean... we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way
He loves us OH how He loves us..Oh how He loves us Oh how He loves

This past week our pastor preached a message on jealousy. He touched on the negative parts of jealousy first.. the parts that tend to chain us up when we allow it into our lives, but then the message turned.
He began to talk about a God who is very jealous for us. in fact in Exodus 34:14 it says..Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.
He is jealous for us. He sooo longs for us to be focused completely on Him. The thing is, when we do...life is soo much easier. I mean...sooo much more happiness...sooo much more peace.
For the past several weeks I have begun to allow distractions in my life. It's completely my own fault. Out of my own desperation for that tangible love... I allow others to take the place in my heart that really belongs to HIM ultimately. And you know what I LOVE sooo much?? He doesn't allow me to stray off the path too far. Like a sheep that is about to go over the cliff because he is too close to the edge...MY SHEPHERD guides me back to a safe place again.
How beautiful it is that I have a God who longs to be with me. As much as I want to have a man in my life...a physical partner...I have a God who will treat me better than ANY man ever will....and he won't leave the toilet seat up. lol.

You are HIS favorite!