I call this Christmas Eve because I haven't gone to bed yet. It is officially Christmas day. Merry Christmas everyone! I have sooo many different emotions tonight. I'm looking at my tree and BLOWN away by the amount of gifts under the tree. Just yesterday I was in tears because I couldn't afford Christmas this year. This morning a beautiful little elf left my car full of Christmas gifts for me and the girls. Amazing! I'm very excited for tomorrow morning to see what we all have gotten. How is it that I even question God?? He is faithful..faithful..and then faithful some more! But then I have these moments of sadness that overwhelm me. I long to be held and yet I can sense in my soul that He is holding me, telling me to hold steady. Breathe. You're making it through. I got a text message tonight..CHRISTMAS EVE..from my husband. I am meeting him on Sunday afternoon to let him have the girls for the week. Here is the deal..He wants to bring the woman that he left me for to meet me! I now have to process all of these new emotions and feelings..why are people so cruel? OMG!! I am like the nicest person on the face of the earth and it's like..they long to laugh at me. I'm just a big joke. 13 years I gave to this man never ever would I ever leave him. He is OBLIVIOUS to the pain that he has caused me. YET..I'm clinging to my HOPE tonight. The hope of GOD WITH US. Emmanuel. I know He is here. I know it because I'm looking at my tree tonight and the amount of gifts underneath it and I did not pay for one thing under that tree.
Despite what is done to me.. I'm choosing to forgive. I want to be a light to this dark world..I will continue to shine through those clouds. I've said it before, but the most beautiful sunsets are the ones after a storm with clouds still in the sky.
I'm soo thankful for a God who understands the pain of rejection. My situation is NOTHING compared to what He went through! I'm looking forward to 2010. I'm praying for a much better year!
In the meantime...Merry Christmas. May you experience Emmanuel..God with us today!
You are loved!
Christy
2 comments:
"But then I have these moments of sadness that overwhelm me. I long to be held and yet I can sense in my soul that He is holding me, telling me to hold steady. Breathe. You're making it through."
I must say, that this is my favorite quote from you. Ever. Because it's true for me as well. Sometimes I feel so alone, and I just want to go and crawl up and someone's lap and...that lap IS there. It might not be tangible but the warmth you get inside when you can let go of everything to Him is more than enough. What I also find funny is, I keep being told to breathe as well. It really is great advice(: Don't worry, you'll make it through, I'll make it through, anyone with a problem will make it through with His help. Patience is key ,but I'm sure that you know how prayers are answered in amazing ways. We just have to wait until it happens. Until then, show God to the entire world, so that they may feel the joy that we feel.
Girl! I had the same thing happen to me this year! It was so fun to see the kids open their presents and I had no idea what was in their packages! And they got exactly what they wanted too!! How awesome is that! God is so good!!
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