WISDOM

Seems like I'm in a constant school of ministry. UGH. Am I ever gonna get a week off from learning what God has to teach me? Don't fear..believe who He says you are...know what youre worth..Dream...and now..drum roll please...dadadadadadadadaaaa....Be wise. I dont think this is completely a new area...just one that seems to be screaming at me this week. This week I feel like I have done nothing but second guess myself. Constantly questioning my feelings. Is it ok to feel this way or that way...is it ok to say this or that? Who do I share this with or do I share with ANYONE....was pointing that out ok...am I right or wrong? Do I stay or go? How do I go forward with what God wants? Soooo many questions that I have right now. Ultimately I am a deep feeler. It's very hard for me to not feel..its who I am and I want to embrace that but also make it work for His good and not for it to work against me. There have been soooo many times that I "feel" lonely or "feel" sad or "feel" happy. These are human emotions and totally ok, but sometimes our feelings can control us if we aren't careful. I am choosing to walk by faith and NOT feelings. Our feelings will lie to us. You may feel lonely at times...I certainly do. BUT that doesn't mean that I am necessarily alone. Sometimes I isolate myself out of fear of feeling like I'm imposing on someone...or just plainly fear of rejection...and I say that out of pure honesty.
This week the word for my life is "BE WISE" and also....be honest. You know... I think I do pride myself in my honesty. The problem is, sometimes, I'm honest with the wrong people maybe? Or maybe I share the right information with the wrong people? God is definitely teaching me though. Ok, so lately I've been reading a book called "The Dream Giver" by Bruce Wilkinson. It's a two part book. The first part of the book is a parable about a man named Ordinary who lives in the land of Familiar and goes to his usual job every day. Ordinary has a big dream and decides that he wants to be a somebody. He has to cross border bullies in order to get outside of the land of Familiar. Those border bullies are usually our closest family and friends. What we have to be wise about is who do we share the Big Dream with?? Not everyone can handle the information that you give to them. Some people will discourage you from ever trying to achieve those dreams. This discouragement is just fear from where they themselves failed, or maybe, they don't want you to go for fear of losing you.
God has created me to be a very open and honest person. I really do like that about me. But again, sometimes I'm too open and honest with the wrong people and it comes back to haunt me. Soooo... God is teaching me to learn from my mistakes. Right now...it feels like mistakes are all that I make. BUT...I'm trying my best to fall forward when I fall. When you fall forward...you stand up ahead. Still makes me feel stupid. Exposed. Like a big mess. Like I can't seem to get it right. That someone is ALWAYS going to point out my failures. And that hurts my pride...and rebellion is at the root of pride...and NONE of that is from the Lord. I certainly don't want to live in fear of that. I want to live in freedom.
My prayer tonight is Lord...Grant me wisdom. Help me to be wise and discerning. Help me to honor you in ALL of my relationships. Help me to be free to be myself and teach me how to be a woman of God who walks in wisdom. Help me to think through things clearly and to not be as tuned into my flesh as I am to the Lord. I have alot of questions right now. I can be easily pursuaded by my feelings, but God...I am pressing in close to You. Protect me from myself and I ask that You be the loudest voice that I hear. And even though I may not always get it right...help me to love myself despite the mistakes that I make. God....I want to do this right so that others might be free. Help me to learn what it is that I need to learn so I can grab the hand of someone else who might be second guessing themselves as well. Help me to point them in Your direction. I love YOU Jesus. I'm soooo thankful that You love me enough to not leave me in the same place that I was. Your love is amazing and I'm thankful for Your firm foundation underneath my feet. I may be shaken...but I will NOT be moved!
In Jesus Name...AMEN!
Ultimately, I think God says this to me....Christy...stop it. REST. Stop second guessing yourself. I'm in control of you here. I don't make mistakes...I like the fact that you are trying. I'm using you. Teaching you. Perfecting you. You're doing just fine.

In the meantime...please know that you are loved. As long as you are following Him and walking in obedience to Him, you will forever be a work in progress. He loves you too much to allow you to stay in that same place. BE FREE!

In His Love!!!
Christy JOY